Sunday, March 8, 2015

Why aren't you better?

I'm ending week five, and I've decided that food is my sworn enemy.  Even on this diet, food is my enemy. My body hates me and food is my enemy. Eating food that is supposed to be "safe", my stomach hurts, my body is weak, and I don't have a lot of energy. I am so frustrated that I don't have a doctor to talk about with all this. My kids and and DH get the brunt of my frustration, which obviously isn't good.  

This diet is extremely stressful on my family.  They are ready for it to be over and there have been times where they just wanted me to quit and have told me so. I had to be on this diet over Valentine Day and our wedding anniversary which meant we couldn't really go out to eat (except for Chipotle, which wasn't edible on that date because it was too spicy) and DH feels guilty eating in front of me.  It's hurting my relationship with him and the rest of my family.

I can't say that I'm getting better.  I feel like I may have more energy than I usually do, but almost all of that energy has to go into making my food, so it's difficult to know if I truly do have more energy. DH isn't seeing any improvement. This was supposed to be the answer when none of the other medical professionals could figure it out. This was supposed to "fix" me. No luck. I'm just as sick & broken as I was before. 

I thought I'd be able to play with my kids again. Take them to the park and the library.  Walk barefoot with DH, and be able to go places without a wheelchair or walker.  Be able to exercise on a regular basis, and go out to eat on occasion without having to pick the entire meal apart just to eat something not worthy of the price paid for it. I'm so angry I could just scream!

So where do I go form here? 

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