Saturday, November 9, 2013


Today I'm finding myself in a different place than where I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was hurting and angry. I found myself in a place I hadn't been in a long time, depressed. Not in a depression, but depressed. I had put myself in a vulnerable position and felt hurt by the response. So, yesterday, I found myself obsessing over the decision I made, obsessing over the response I was given, and literally crying myself to sleep with a stomachache at 2:00 in the afternoon.

After hours of feeling angry and betrayed, pushing away everyone because I was wallowing in my own self pity and dreading at what the future may hold; it finally occurred to me that I couldn't handle this situation on my own. Even though talking to someone else about the situation was not a wise idea, I could talk to God because He already knew all the details and could give me the best guidance and wisdom.

It took me longer than I like, but eventually I started to put aside my pride and became more open to hearing the reasons for the response I was given. I still don't know what the future holds for this particular situation; but I do know that as long as I dwell on the feelings of disappointment and humiliation, the relationship I have with this person will be damaged. I have to forgive. Whether the responder intended to hurt me or not, I must forgive. And not just the other person, but myself too.

Forgiveness can be very difficult. For a deep hurt or repeated hurts, it may take a long time; but God knows that not forgiving others can cause a life time of pain, regret, and loneliness. He doesn't want that for His children.
When we can't find it in ourselves to forgive, God can guide us on how to do it. I may not have been ready yesterday, but I'm much more willing today to talk it through and find a path to forgiveness.