What you can do with $13

With $13, you can buy1 1/2 - 2 extra value meals from McDonald's.
With $13, you can buy 4 bacon wrapped sirloin filets from Hy-vee.
With $13, you can buy 5 pounds of strawberries from Price Chopper.
With $13, you can buy one pair of toddler girls' crochet slip-ons from Payless.
OR with $13, you can help a kiddo with neurological disorders go to camp.

Michael Buttgen is a barefoot runner who is running 13.1 miles (a half marathon) for kids with neurological disorders that are supported by the Joshua Center. Michael is my dear husband. He and I love our oldest son to the "moon and back". SuperBoy is a gifted kiddo and is always creating new stories, new games, and trying to find ways to make this world a better place. Not everyone sees in him what we see. Some people are taken aback by his tics, his compulsions, and/or his impulsiveness. SuperBoy has Tourette Syndrome Plus. His plus is ADHD, OCD, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). These barriers stand in the way of him making friends with his same aged peers, finishing school work on time, moving on from one activity to another, walking in straight line, following multi-step directions, becoming angry or anxious without crying, and so much more. Kids tend to make fun of him for his differences and often adults think he's behaving badly. But not at the Joshua Center.

At the Joshua Center the kids understand each other, because they all have at least one neurological disorder. The adults, understand that the kids aren't trying to be distractions and look beyond the tics, the compulsions, the impulsiveness, to see the creativity. The Joshua Center is the only center of its kind in the US.

Every year the Joshua Center provides two camps that support kids all across the nation with Tourette Syndrome. Joshua Camp allows our kids to forget for a few days that in the eyes of the world, they're different. It allows them to make new friends and relax knowing they won't get in trouble for making faces at the teacher, making noises during quiet time, playing with their food, or fixing things so they're "just right". At Joshua Camp the kids can truly be themselves.

So what's with the $13? It's all Michael (my husband) and I are asking you to donate for our son and other kids like him. The money goes directly to the Joshua Center. It helps provide the camps, parental and family support, social skills clubs, and so much more. If you can give, just $13; it will make a world of difference.

This link will take you to the donation page. Thank you for your donation.

loving someone who rejects you

I think one of the hardest things in life is learning how to love others. Especially loving someone who you feel is rejecting you. It could be that the person is rejecting you, or that he/she simply doesn't understand how to love you so you feel rejected. It still makes it hard to have a relationship with that person.

Trying hard to love someone, to reach out, and be regularly rejected is heartbreaking. We've all been there, and in many cases you can just walk away. The person rejecting you is a co-worker, a neighbor, or distant relative, someone that you can be cordial to without having to spend a lot of time and energy on speaking his/her love language. That's not to say that you aren't friendly, but that you won't spend the same time and energy on that person as you do on a family member, an in-law, or a good friend who is going through a difficult time.

When loving someone feels like it is getting you no where, you have to just keep on showing love. The hope is, that eventually he/she will accept your love and show you love too. That the person you're loving will choose to speak your love language and make the relationship a priority. That won't always happen though. Love is a choice, and sometimes people just choose to not love or not to show love. The person may love you, but can't (for different reasons) speak your love language. In some cases, the person refuses to speak your love language. When someone chooses to not speak your love language, it's tempting to give up on that relationship. It's easy to give up, and the world says that it's okay. Walk away, get a divorce, disown the child, get the negativity out of your life, you have better things to do with your time. It's harder, but it's worth it to keep loving him/her. Keep speaking his/her love language. Show that the relationship is important to you. Make that person a priority. Hopefully the other person in this relationship will stop rejecting you.

Occasionally a change happens right away, but more often than not it will take months and sometimes years. For whatever reason, the other person in the relationship is struggling to love you. Maybe it's because of past pain or hurt, maybe the person hasn't felt love from you for a long time and it will take just as much time before he/she feels you can be trusted with love, maybe the person thinks he/she is loving you and doesn't realize you feel rejected and unloved. Whatever the reasons, if this relationship is truly important, don't give up on it. Try loving. Read books about love and how to love, read articles, learn, truly make it a priority. Sometimes people reject others because his/her own love tank is empty. Loving that person can help fill that tank and allow him/her to have more love to give.

Remember that if you wouldn't want that person to give up on you, then don't you give up on him/her.

real love

Love and seeking first the Kingdom have become my focus this year and what the kids and I have been learning about. It has been both an eye opening and humbling experience. I have known for a long time that I am not the mom or wife that I had always hoped to be, as I have allowed resentment and bitterness to come in and rule my actions more often than they should. I am finding hope that I can turn all that around and begin to show my family "real love."

For this post I want to speak more to marital love. My first step in learning about love and loving my husband was reading Dr. Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages. WOW! It made me really look at myself and be honest with who I am and what my love language is (even though it's not what I expected or wanted). It also opened my eyes to what my hubby's love language is and how best to love him. Even with learning all that, I can say with 100% conviction that love is a choice. You have to choose to love your spouse in the way that he/she speaks love. It isn't always easy, but it works.

Whether your marriage is great or on the rocks, in the newlywed stage or going on 50 years; I truly believe that studying the five love languages can help your relationship. For anyone who has been in a long relationship knows that there are times when you just don't have that "loving feeling". Your spouse has done something or said something that hurt your feelings and you don't want to show him/her your love because your hurt and angry, but that may be one of the best times to show your love and open the lines of communication. So often marriages are ending because of bitterness and resentment due to a lack of communication and love. It's not really that the two people don't love each other, but that they didn't speak each others' love languages or they didn't take the time to "really love" each other.

Low self-esteem and self-image is prevalent in our society. It is super difficult to love someone who is negative and doesn't like him/herself, but that's when love is needed the most. It won't be easy, because you won't feel like doing it, but is sure will mean the world to your spouse! They will know that when they were at their ugliest and most unlovable, you loved them anyway. Loving each other in the appropriate love language will bring out the best in that person.

It can also be harmful to a marriage for one person to not allow his/her spouse to show them love. When your spouse asks you what they can do for you, and you say nothing or ignore the question, it doesn't help no matter your reasons. You may think that you are lightening the load by not putting something else on the to-do list, but in reality it puts a barrier between you and your spouse. In a way it's like saying, "Even if I told you how to love me, it wouldn't be good enough." Not really a marriage enhancing statement. 

Another reason a spouse may do this is because he/she doesn't feel worthy to accept love. Keep trying and keep asking, the more you love your spouse, the more worthy they'll feel of that love. The more you accept your spouse's love, the more worthy your spouse will feel too. His/her love will be good enough for you, so maybe he/she is good enough for your love.

Marriage is work. I believe that marriages can be saved and can be great. No matter where you are in your marriage relationship or if your engaged and about to enter the marriage covenant, reading this book can be invaluable and make your marriage better than ever.

Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: hoe to express heartfelt commitment to your mate

Frugal, but fun date nights

 Before I begin this post, let me be candid for a moment. My husband is a hard working man. He has a good job and finds joy in the fact that his jobs ultimately helps children. We know what it is to struggle financially. I can not work due to disability and choose to take the opportunity to homeschool our kids. Our kids have some health needs and have doctors' and therapy appointments on a regular basis. I have numerous medical bills due to tests and hospital stays that are all part of the process of discovering exactly what is causing my disability. This is not meant as a complaint or woe is me moment, but rather background for this blog post.

This year, I have decided to put my marriage at the top of my priority list.  One thing that I decided to try to do this year is have a date night once a month. That's not always an easy task when you live on a shoestring budget. With Valentines' Day this past weekend and our wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks, I am thinking creatively so that we can make it all work. It can be disappointing when we look at our budget, and there simply isn't the money there to go to dinner at a sit-down restaurant or see a movie or play. In my preparation and planning for our anniversary, I've come up with different ideas that would be both fun and frugal. I can also save whatever we don't do for our anniversary for another date night this year.

Here are some of the ideas I've come up with:

• Make your spouse's favorite dinner and ask each other questions about dreams or goals for the year. (The key here is to really listen and not laugh at your spouse's dreams or goals no matter how unrealistic they may seem. Your spouse will respect and love your willingness to let him/her dream and join in on the dream.)
• Find a special deal at a restaurant that you can afford and go out to dinner. If you enjoy dressing up, do it! 
•  Pretend that you're on a cruise ship or vacation. After dinner go somewhere and keep pretending that you're visitors there. You may find that looking around as if you're a visitor/tourist that you see things you haven't noticed before.
• If you prefer to stay home, pick up a few groceries and make dinner together. Watch a movie you haven't seen in a while or one you have never seen at all. Just spend some time snuggling or laughing together.
• Even though money may be tight, it can be fun to go to one of your favorite stores and window shop. DH and I enjoy going to home improvement stores and looking at items that we hope to put in our dream house one day.
• Board games can be a great way to fun. Change up the rules a bit and make an old game, new again.
• If gifts are important to your and/or your spouse, try making him/her something special. A favorite cookie or dessert can be just as special as a store bought gift. If you sew, crochet, knit, paint, write, make him/her something that shows you really know what your spouse likes. Or make him/her something that would be meaningful for years to come, a calendar of the kids' pictures or a collage of memorable moments. 
• Go for a walk.  One of my favorite memories with DH is walking barefoot around the plaza. We can't do it anymore, but I'm sure it's something I won't ever forget.
• Watching a movie at a theater can be quite expensive, consider renting a movie from the Redbox or borrowing one from the library. Another option is attending the second run ($1) theater.
• If you enjoy spending time with other couples, consider hosting a snack food pot-luck game night. It could be with just one other couple or several. Everyone brings some snack foods and a favorite board game to play. Just be sure to not be so busy hosting that you don't join in the fun.
• Finding a babysitter can often make date night difficult. We live close to family and they often help us out with free babysitting. (It's a win -win because DH and I can have a date, and the grandparents/aunts & uncles get to spend time with the kids.) If family babysitting is not an option for you, consider having babysitting partners. Your "partners" watch your kids one evening/weekend and you watch their kids another evening or weekend that month. Your kids will enjoy getting to spend so much time with their friends and the adults will enjoy having an evening off to spend together.
• Sometimes going out or finding a babysitter just isn't possible. Try to find an evening that you both can stay up "late" and spend some time together doing something you both enjoy (watch a television show or movie, play a game, or talk).

It can be disappointing when you want to take your spouse out on a date, but it's not fiscally responsible.  Take a few minutes to think about why you married him/her. What are five of your favorites characteristics in your spouse? What are some of your favorite memories? Use the answers to these questions to help you plan a fun and frugal date night. Don't be afraid to be creative or have the night not go exactly as you planned. Just try to positive and have fun with the love of your life. It will make a lasting memory and help your marriage be stronger.

Our anniversary date last year. A local restaurant had a special for dinner, and we went window shopping after. Some friends watched our kids for us. We saved money and had a nice time together. (Unfortunately, I'm on my phone listening to a voice mail from a family member.)

A poem "Struggle"

Sometimes I find it hard to breathe.
The world closing in around me.
Icy fingers reaching out to grab hold
Of whatever joy I have left.

Where is the hope I need?
Where are the answers?
Why does it seem when things are finally better
It was just a lie?

Can I find my hope in God?
Can I give Him my heart?
Will I trust Him to do what is best for
My family and for me?

I know that I should be faithful.
Miracles I see each day,
People whose lives have been saved
Because of God's mercy.

No, I cannot doubt His existence.
I cannot doubt His amazing power.
But some days, I feel alone
And wish I could see His mercy for me.

forgiveness

Today I'm finding myself in a different place than where I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was hurting and angry. I found myself in a place I hadn't been in a long time, depressed. Not in a depression, but depressed. I had put myself in a vulnerable position and felt hurt by the response. So, yesterday, I found myself obsessing over the decision I made, obsessing over the response I was given, and literally crying myself to sleep with a stomachache at 2:00 in the afternoon.

After hours of feeling angry and betrayed, pushing away everyone because I was wallowing in my own self pity and dreading at what the future may hold; it finally occurred to me that I couldn't handle this situation on my own. Even though talking to someone else about the situation was not a wise idea, I could talk to God because He already knew all the details and could give me the best guidance and wisdom.

It took me longer than I like, but eventually I started to put aside my pride and became more open to hearing the reasons for the response I was given. I still don't know what the future holds for this particular situation; but I do know that as long as I dwell on the feelings of disappointment and humiliation, the relationship I have with this person will be damaged. I have to forgive. Whether the responder intended to hurt me or not, I must forgive. And not just the other person, but myself too.

Forgiveness can be very difficult. For a deep hurt or repeated hurts, it may take a long time; but God knows that not forgiving others can cause a life time of pain, regret, and loneliness. He doesn't want that for His children.
 
When we can't find it in ourselves to forgive, God can guide us on how to do it. I may not have been ready yesterday, but I'm much more willing today to talk it through and find a path to forgiveness.

 

when I feel alone.

Feeling alone is inevitable. It happens to everyone no matter how popular you are or many friends you have, sometimes you feel completely alone. When I'm going through those times I desperately want someone to share my feelings with, but I don't want to burden anyone with my feelings or my negativity. My husband is a great "fixer", but sometimes there isn't a fix to be had (or the fix is overly complicated), and we both end up frustrated. It's during these difficulties that I am reminded that I'm not really alone. Even though I can't see Him or touch Him, God is with me. If I ask, I can feel His Spirit in my heart and hear his soft whisper in my mind reminding me that I'm not really alone.

If God knows every grain of sand and each hair on my head (and everyone else's head too), then I know He is with me. He know my heart, my loneliness, and sadness. 

"Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? And one of them shall not fall to the ground without your Father knoweth it.   

And the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not, therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows." Matthew 10:26-27 

As with everything, these feelings come and go and sometimes they are with me longer than I would like, but there's the reminder that if I never go through the valleys; I can't truly appreciate the mountains. So my prayer for you today is the reminder that in our loneliest moments, our darkest nights, and deepest valleys; we are never truly alone.